A.
“Will it stick?”
To some degree, all missionaries struggle with the same
worry—will the lessons they are trying to teach to others “stick?” For young proselyting missionaries, they
worry whether their investigators will embrace the gospel and become and remain
active members of the Church. For MLS
senior missionaries, they worry whether members, both active and less active,
will catch the vision of what it means to be a responsible, reliable, and
faithful member in the Church-- capable of doing their duty without constant
prodding. Certainly the key is
independence—the ability to be and stay active and involved without be
constantly reminded, poked and encouraged by others. Frequently, we speak of this “independence”
in terms of a “testimony” of the gospel or having “faith.” Those with their own testimony are able
stand on their own, resisting the ever present temptations and going forth with
steadfastness with their Church assignments, whether or not missionaries are
there to support them. Otherwise, they
are constantly at prey to the temptations and snares that otherwise pry members
away from doing their duties and keeping their faith. Local Malawi leaders often remind members
that they cannot, and should not, rely upon the missionaries for their faith,
but must be “independent.”[1] One
thinks of the parable of the sower, where the sower scatters the seed by the
wayside, upon stony places, among the thorns, and on good ground.[2]
When it comes to Church activity, and faithfulness in discharging
our duties, it is naïve to think of anyone as being wholly “independent;”
instead all of us constantly rely upon one another to keep the faith. President Hinckley’s counsel about what each
needs in the Church readily comes to mind:
everyone needs a calling, a friend and the nourishment of the word of
God. Yet at the same time, it is
equally true that activity in the Church requires self-initiative: the
willingness to accept a calling when extended; the acceptance of friendship
when offered, and seeking the word of God through personal scripture study and
Church attendance. Each member must do
his part to keep the spirit alive and retain the lessons taught by missionaries
and other members.
As missionaries work with investigators and members, they
see the spirit working on them, touching their hearts and hope the lessons
taught, and feelings experienced, will become a part of the investigators and
members, wedding them to the restored gospel.
Little in life could be more
satisfying than seeing the gospel change the lives of investigators and
members, working from the inside out, making them “better” people than they
were before, more open to spiritual promptings, and more willing to express and
share love with others. It is exciting
to witness the “change of heart” experienced by a new member full of the
spirit—the desire to learn as much as they can about the restored gospel, to
fellowship with other members, equally committed to trying hard to be a better
person, to make themselves available for service to others, to seek the Lord
through scripture study, Church attendance and prayer. It is likewise a blessing to play a small
part in helping this transformation occur—by teaching lessons, making visits,
being a friend, acting as a shadow leader, serving as an example. No one expects the path forward to be easy
and free of obstacles--family and friends may complain or be bitter or
non-supportive; old habits may linger and interfere; keeping the standards may
require extraordinary effort in the face of temptations. Yet the longer the commitment, the more the
spirit, and the more light one enjoys.
Nonetheless, the fear persists that, if base-line circumstances
change, the lessons taught may not stick, and the spirit felt may be lost. There is always a risk of reversion when the
original missionaries, much beloved, are transferred out or leave for home;
when there is turnover in the congregation’s composition, with friends leaving
the ward or branch; when branches or wards are split, upsetting historical and
familial ties; when members are confronted with new challenges or the old
challenges resurface and the repentance process has not yet been fully
embraced. So missionaries are left
worrying—will the member go back to the old ways; will the important lessons
taught be forgotten; will the member cease to be active—not going to Church or
not fulfilled callings. The fear is
more than just a fear of the member going back to the old ways. It is also a fear that the member will
actually be worse off. He will forget
the spirit felt, lose the light received, and find himself more rebellious and
disobedient than before. Where more is
given, more is expected.
When this occurs, the missionary’s disappointment is keen
and double-edged. First, he feels terrible
for the one who is backsliding. Just as
there was so much joy with the change in heart, now there is so much pain in
watching the loss. Where there was
hope, now there is despair. Second, the
missionary feels as though all of the hard work and sacrifice has been for
naught. Before the missionary could see
a purpose in what he did—evidenced in the “new” life of the convert or
member. So what if there were
sacrifices in getting there—the rewards more than offset the sacrifices that
were required. But now the same
calculus cuts the other way. The
missionary’s sacrifices are not rewarded in terms of “changed” lives and
perspectives. And all that is left is
disappointment. No doubt this is an
inward looking, self-centric perspective—perhaps not worth of the missionary,
whose focus should be riveted instead upon those whom he sought to influence
for good, but a perspective that is nonetheless very human. Hence, it is not uncommon for missionaries
to talk about those who stayed “active” in the Church for years after they left
the missionary field—that being the best litmus test for the success of a
mission.
I have never thought of myself as a visionary person—some no
doubt have that spiritual gift, but it is not one of my gifts. Yet last week, I awoke early in the morning,
and found myself in that odd half-awake, half-dream state, with images confused
and jumbled, nothing making much sense.
I did, however, have two distinct impressions. First, I found myself worrying whether our
local members would backslide after we return home in a few months. We know how hard it is for some to stay
active and keep the standards. At the
same time we know how much better their lives will be if they do so. Life is hard here and we wish for them the best. Carole and I have no illusions about the
impact we have had upon the members in Blantyre--we know we are in a long-line
of missionaries, each of whom has done a little to support them, and certainly
believe that the cumulative effect of those efforts has been to help a few hew
a little closer to the strait and narrow path.
It is however hard not to worry about them, knowing the ever present
temptations and trials that beset them.
It is not surprising I would have this thought surface—since
Carole and I frequently talk about whether the lessons we are trying to teach
will “stick” or whether they will be lost or, for that matter, whether we have
done much good at all in the “big” scheme of things. We hope we have, but one cannot be
sure. What was surprising is the second
impression that came to mind. In a
burst of insight, I realized that the question of “stickiness”—whether lessons
that were being taught would actually “stick”—applied to me with equal
force. Over the last 14 months we have
witnessed extraordinary acts of charity, from one Malawian to another; have
watched with great admiration the faith of members in the face of terrible
trials and challenges; have seen the poorest of the poor accept with humility
and grace God’s will for them and respond to the sweet message of the good
news. And we know we have “changed” a
bit—perhaps not as much as we would like or that others might expect of us—as
we have tried to serve them. But, at
the same time, we know many of the changes are “circumstantial” in nature. We serve because we are here on a mission
and it is our assignment to serve. It
is easy to love the Malawian members and to feel good about what we are
doing—even if we are not certain about the long-term impact of our service. We are not too distracted by the normal
cares of everyday life, as we have largely left that life behind. Yet in less than four months we will return
to the United States and resume our normal life back home, leaving us squarely
with the question—how much we will have learned by our experience in
Malawi? Will we revert to our normal
pre-mission life, largely content to take care of ourselves and those closest
to us? Will we indulge our desires to
travel, see more of the world, and enjoy of the fullness of life, without
worrying too much about helping others or being of service? I confess to having a great desire to have a
few more adventures while my health is still good. Or will we throw ourselves into service back
home and, if so, how will we balance that with the other interests we have, which
in and of themselves are not bad?
Of this I am quite certain, even if it hasn’t happened
yet. Going home, and being released
from our mission, will totally alter our framework. Now we are totally immersed in life in
Malawi and then we will be totally immersed in life back home. In some ways, that is a terrifying thought, knowing
how easy it will be for me to “revert” to the old ways—in part I want to retain
the lessons learned here, and in part I yearn to go back to the life I knew
before. Of course, the challenge is
not unique—indeed, it is precisely the same challenge each missionary faces at
the time of his or her release from mission service. Somehow we will need to find a balance,
and hopefully the balance will blend the best of both worlds without too much
compromise.
[1]
President Chikapa is particularly blunt on this point, warning members of the
perils of relying unduly upon missionaries for their testimonies.
[2]
See Matt. 13: 3-9.
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